It was one of those chilly evenings when the wind feels like it’s biting you for no reason. I had just finished my work for the day and was planning to relax with some jollof and a good movie. But of course, that plan got ruined the moment my friend Kofi decided to show up uninvited. Kofi was always that one person who had no concept of personal space or time. He would just show up, and you would have no choice but to accept it.
So there I was, trying to enjoy my peace, when Kofi knocked on my door like he was the landlord. I opened it, and there he stood, holding a small bag of what looked like groceries.
"Hey, bro! I brought some stuff!" he said with his usual overly enthusiastic voice.
I sighed and let him in. "What's up, Kofi? What’s in the bag?"
"A surprise!" He grinned, clearly excited about whatever nonsense he was about to pull.
We sat down, and Kofi pulled out a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs, and a bottle of something that looked like juice. I wasn’t sure if it was juice or some kind of liquid my grandmother used to clean the floor.
"Okay," I said, trying to figure out why this man was bringing groceries into my house. "What’s the plan here?"
He smiled. "We’re going to make scrambled eggs, bro! You got a frying pan, right?"
I nodded. "I do, but I'm just trying to relax today, Kofi."
"Relax? Nah. Come on! You need energy for the movie!" He was already cracking eggs into the bowl before I could stop him.
As he got to work making breakfast (which, for some reason, was happening in the evening), the air conditioning in my house seemed to stop working. The room started to feel colder, like someone had left the freezer door open. I shivered and glanced at the fan. The fan was still on, but it wasn’t doing much. The cold was taking over, and I had no idea why.
"Hey, Kofi, I think it’s cold in here," I said, rubbing my arms.
"Yeah, man. It’s chilly. Maybe we should get some heat going." He paused, looked around, and then his eyes landed on the iron sitting on the table.
Now, let me tell you about this iron. It wasn’t one of those fancy ones that you see in the stores with steam and all that nonsense. No. This was the kind of iron that looked like it had been passed down through generations. The kind that took 10 minutes to heat up and could probably burn down the house if you looked at it wrong.
I didn’t think Kofi would notice the iron, but then again, this was Kofi we were talking about. This was the same guy who once tried to use a spoon to stir soup because "spoons just work better."
Kofi got an idea, and I could see it in his eyes. "Bro, let me use this iron to heat up the room!"
I blinked. "What?"
"Yeah, I’m going to use the iron as a heater. It gets super hot, right? We can just leave it on, and it will warm up the place."
I stared at him. "Are you serious? You can’t use an iron like that! What if it burns the place down?"
Kofi laughed. "No, man! It’s genius. Trust me. It’ll be fine."
Before I could stop him, Kofi plugged the iron in and turned it on. The room was already cold, but now it felt like a freezer and a sauna had come together in the same place. The heat from the iron began to spread, and I’m not going to lie, it did feel warmer. For about five minutes.
But then something strange started happening. The iron was heating up so fast that it started releasing this strange smell. It wasn’t the smell of clothes getting ironed, no. It was the smell of something burning—like plastic mixed with old newspapers. It was so bad that I could feel my lungs rejecting the air.
"Bro, I think it’s starting to smell funny," I said, waving my hand in front of my nose.
Kofi, however, was unfazed. He was still cooking eggs like it was a regular Sunday breakfast. "Nah, it’s fine. Just ignore it."
I stood up, walked around the iron, and checked on the cord. The rubber was starting to melt, and I could see smoke coming from the plug. "Kofi! The iron is about to catch fire! Turn it off!" I shouted.
Kofi didn’t listen. "Hold on, man! I’m just finishing these eggs!" he said, cracking another egg into the bowl.
Before I could do anything, the smoke started filling the room. It was thick, like a fog machine at a concert. I could barely see, and I had to cover my mouth and nose with my sleeve.
"Kofi! The smoke! The house is going to burn down!" I screamed.
Finally, Kofi looked up from his scrambled eggs, eyes wide. "Uh, bro, maybe it’s time to turn it off?"
Just as he tried to move the iron, the cord sparked. There was a tiny explosion sound, and the iron shot across the table like it was launched from a rocket.
The entire kitchen looked like a war zone. There were burned eggs everywhere, smoke billowing in the air, and the iron was now lying on the floor, sizzling like a sausage.
I was standing there, trying to catch my breath, while Kofi was laughing like a maniac. "Bro, did you see that? That was epic!" he said between laughs.
I was standing there, trying to catch my breath, while Kofi was laughing like a maniac. "Bro, did you see that? That was epic!" he said between laughs.
"I can’t believe this," I muttered, feeling the heat from the melted iron on the floor. "We’re going to die because you wanted to use an iron as a heater!"
Kofi shrugged. "It was a good idea in theory."
"Good idea? It’s a miracle we’re still alive!" I said.
We spent the next few hours cleaning up the mess. The kitchen smelled like burnt plastic and egg for the rest of the night, and I’m still not sure how we didn’t burn the house down. The iron had completely melted on the bottom, and the cord was a twisted mess.
The funniest part? Kofi looked at me seriously and said, "Next time, we should try the microwave as a heater. I’m sure it works better."
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how my friend tried to use an iron as a heater. I never let him near my kitchen again.
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