Let me tell you about the most confusing day of my life. It started like any other normal afternoon in Accra. The sun was shining like it was angry at the earth, and I was sweating like a meat pie in an oven. I had just closed from work and was walking to the roadside to pick a trotro when I heard it.
"Boss, I get iPhone 14. Original. 50 cedis for you only!" 📢
I paused.
Wait… what?
iPhone 14?
For 50 cedis?
Even my phone cover cost more than that! 😳
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not the smartest man alive. In fact, I once failed a simple maths test that only had five questions. But even I knew something was not adding up here.
I turned to see who was talking. And there he was.
The hawker.
He had a wide smile, wearing sunglasses bigger than his future. His shirt had holes in it, and he was holding a black polythene bag like it was carrying gold.
"iPhone 14 for 50 cedis? Is it real?" I asked, trying to hide my laughter.
"My brother, this one dey come straight from Dubai. Na my cousin send am give me. Last one. I dey do you special because you be fine guy."
Ah. I be fine guy? Just now?
😂😂😂
He opened the black polythene bag slowly, like he was about to show me the crown jewels.
And then he brought it out.
Ladies and gentlemen, I wish I was lying. But what I saw looked like a phone… if phones were made from soap and prayers.
The “iPhone 14” had no Apple logo. Instead, it had something that looked like a mango 🍋. And instead of saying “iPhone,” the back said “Aipon.”
Aipon, ladies and gentlemen. A whole AIPON 14.
I nearly collapsed.
"This thing no be iPhone," I said.
He didn’t even blink.
"Ah, but some of the real ones now too dey like this. You know, the newer models. Minimalist design. No logo, no stress."
Minimalist design?
Please.
The camera lens was just painted circles. There was no glass, no light, nothing. It looked like someone had used super glue and bottle tops to build a phone.
"But does it work?" I asked.
He smiled wider.
"Of course! I go on it for you."
He pressed the “power” button.
Nothing.
He pressed again.
Still nothing.
Then he hit the phone on his palm twice like he was trying to wake it up from sleep 😴.
Still nothing.
Then he pulled out a power bank and a cable that looked older than my grandfather. He plugged it in.
Still nothing.
"Ei," he said, scratching his head. "I think the battery flat small. But it go come on. Give it small time."
So I asked again, "Why is it only 50 cedis?"
He looked around, leaned in, and whispered like he was telling me a national secret.
"See, I no go lie you. I no wan sell am. But I need transport go home. That’s why I dey dash you."
Eii. He’s dashing me an iPhone? For 50 cedis? Transport?
🚩🚩🚩
At this point, I was just enjoying the drama. So I told him, "Okay, I’ll buy it. But let me test it first."
That’s when his energy changed.
"Ah! You no trust me? Me? Brother Kwaku International? Everyone for Circle know me!"
He even brought out a faded ID card that said: “Certified Electronics Dealer – 2013.”
That ID card looked like it had seen war.
As we were talking, another hawker passed by and shouted, "Ayy Kwaku! You still dey sell that your toy phone?"
I nearly fell down laughing 🤣.
But our guy didn’t even blink. He smiled and waved proudly like he was an ambassador.
"Ignore am. That guy just dey hate."
At this point, I just wanted to catch him in the act. So I said, "Okay, I’ll give you the 50 cedis, but I’ll video the transaction."
He jumped back like I had poured hot pepper in his eye 🌶️👀.
"Video? Why? You no trust me? Me I no like camera ooo."
I told him, "If the phone is original, why are you scared?"
He started sweating. More than me.
Then he changed the story again.
"Actually, this one be limited edition prototype. You know say Apple dey test market with new design. This one no be public yet."
Prototype? In black rubber polythene?
I gave him a long look.
Then I said, "Okay, you know what? Let me just take it. But if I open it and it’s not working, I’ll come back."
He smiled. "No problem. If e no work, come tomorrow, I go refund you double."
"Where will I find you tomorrow?"
He pointed behind him.
"Just come stand here. Ask anybody of Kwaku. Everyone know me."
At this point, I just knew I had to leave before I started crying from laughter.
So I told him, "I’ll think about it and come back."
He said, "Fine. But it be last one. If you go, I go sell give another person."
I walked away.
As I turned the corner, I heard him shout again.
"Boss! Last chance! iPhone 15 dey too! Only 80 cedis!"
iPhone 15? 😩
I nearly ran.
On my way home, I kept thinking — who falls for these things?
But just as I entered my junction, I saw a guy showing off a new phone to his friends.
"Guys, see my new iPhone 14. I just buy am from Circle."
I walked closer.
You won’t believe it.
It was the same mango-back “Aipon” Kwaku was selling.
I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Bro, where’s the power button?"
He said, "Oh it’s charging at home. I never on it yet."
I just shook my head and walked away.
Sometimes, you just have to let people learn their own lessons.
But the moral of this story?
If someone offers you an iPhone 14 for 50 cedis, just smile, nod, and run away 🏃🏾💨.
Because by the time you’re done, even your 50 cedis will leave you with a phone that can’t even play Snake Xenzia.
THE END 😅📱💸
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